Guess i needa blog.
i dont how to express or tell someone bout how i feel thru talking.
however, blogging it out is like, i feel more relieved?

so, how you do you know how i feel?
and i practically dont think you know.
why do i say so?
because you wont be hurting me again and again.

cant believe you actually said those words yesterday
you know how i feel?
i doubt so.

you said yes, you are trying
perhaps only a lil?
and you think you made alot for me?
maybe im wrong
or im just assuming
wadever it is
friends who have known me well, my friends
have i give in alot to you?
and yes, i did
all my past relationships, yes effort was put in
maybe not all
but i know i did in some
but i dont feel anything as much as worst as this
i dont usually give in to my boyfriends
im not comparing but im just saying how i feel
and it totally true

and i think in your heart
im not in the first priority
k maybe not first
but i doubt its the second
i might be the 4th or 5th or 6th
idk
but definitely not the most important
cos to you, im just idk, like when you need and then you appear

i told you
and what you replied me took made my heart stopped for a moment
i said i wont want to need you so much in future anymore
i will learn how to be more independent
i wouldnt cling on you
i dont let myself grow on you
i will try not to expect anything from you
and you know why?
thats because i dont wanna end up once again
feeling im left behind
felling disappointed and hurted
no, i dont want
and i dont want you to hate me or something
ot find me too sticky in a sense
and you will feel hella irritated when you are with me
then i shall give you space i guess

you said you loved me alot
yes i know you do love me
but what have you shown me these days?
or maybe im just being sensitive
im sensitive to this relationship, idk why
im not usually like this at all
even * says that she feels that you treat me differently after we've been together
so am i thinking too much?
or it is just true?
or does it just prove that guys are always so sweet and nice before
getting the girl that they want
and after that they start to change?

as a girl, or as a girlfriend
i know how each girl want their boyfriends to be
we want love and security
not just any other thing
of cos, you have to care
i told you how i want you to be
but?

well, im not blaming you
but why do i feel this way
im clearly aware that im in fault sometimes
i pick up fights with you
me being unreasonable
but have you ever thought why im being like this?
because i love you
if not why should i even bother?
i wont even give a shit
because of you, i have adopted more and more childish behaviours
and you know why?
thats because i care and im jealous

i dunno how to express my feelings to you anymore
thats because i dont know how to open my mouth
thinking that you might be hurt or something
what can i really say?
even if i said it out, would you change?
would you treat me better?
i tried telling you before about how i feel and everything
but you always had reasons to make me feel speechless
and not because im wrong
its just of the words you say that bring me down
you might not be aware of all these things

have you really sit down and think
how much do you even love me
do you wanna care for my and everything
plan pretty and lovely surprises for me
and just anything that makes me happy

i told you countless times of how much you meant to be.
but in the first place, do you even feel the same?
yes i admit it
in the first place i dont love you as much as i do now
but now
its totally different
and the feelings grows more and more each day

i dont see you contacting me nowadays first
i come to you
giving you a call
messaging you
you only do when you wanna ask me something
not because you just wanna talk to me and chill or something
we dont even talk when we see each other at times
wth is this?
cant you just see that im unhappy and just come over to come
and talk to me and console me?
is it just so hard
like now
you told me yesterday you would call me
yes you have dnt
you needa present your work to the p
does it last till so late?
it starts at 2
your school should have just finished
but do you come and call me?
no you didnt
you know i cant spend too much time with you
my dad is way too strict
but what can i do
you rather go do your stuff then rather come find me
im your girlfriend
do i just mean so little to you
you said you will talk to me about spending time together again
and here i am
felling lonely and blogging my thoughts out
i know, you gonna be some unhappy when i do this
but who will really listen and hears what i have to say
i already said it to you plenty of times already
thats the only thing i can do

i want you to spend more time with me
is that so hard
i know you have dnt and its ending soon
and now you have other excuses to tell me that you cant accompany me
i have been waiting for one full month already
we didnt even spend proper time together
sending me home is a chore aint it?
and so does talking to me on the phone?
and everything?
fetching me to school?

i dont see you really comforting me
maybe you did
just a little
btw, thanks for everyone who asked me about this thing
and how i feel and everything
i love you guys thanks really
i appreciate it

you aint the only one who needs sleep
i havent really been sleeping much and well these days
practically i have been thinking bout us
every night..
how suckish i feel and everything
thinking bout these things just make me wanna break down
i really dont wanna cry
all these feelings are driving me crazy

i felt the difference from you
but i dont think i saw it
so i cant really make any conclusions from what i feel right now
let's just see how much more i can give before my soul becomes dead

think you just dont really know
i will try my very best to make you happy
thou it ends up one party being happy and the other not
i rather you be the one thats happy